


Aaron Decides To Support Robert As A Father

by BoleynC



Category: Emmerdale
Genre: I don't know, I imagine they'll do something like this, M/M, this could be canon compliant?
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-05-27
Updated: 2017-05-27
Packaged: 2018-11-05 14:09:38
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,989
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11014989
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/BoleynC/pseuds/BoleynC
Summary: I wrote this a little after Friday's episode. I see this happening a week or two after that. It's just my interpretation of how that conversation might go and what brings Aaron to that decision.





	Aaron Decides To Support Robert As A Father

They’re sitting at their kitchen table with a mug of tea each. Robert’s made them, of course, giving Aaron the ‘best husband’ mug without a hint of humour, giving himself a plain blue one he used to use at the Woolpack. Robert’s been so desperate to please recently, so horrified at the notion of Aaron leaving, that he can’t seem to do enough for him. It’s almost unnerving for Aaron, and yet another reason why he wants to get this sorted, to find out where they stand. It feels unequal. It feels wrong. Robert _shouldn’t_ be putting himself second constantly out of fear. Aaron wants them to go back to how they were, how they should be. They’d finally found that balance, that way to exist together perfectly, side by side. And now… now everything’s changed again. 

Aaron’s been to see his counsellor this morning, and he’s ready to talk some things through with Robert. That’s a new skill he never imagined he could possess, talking about his feelings, trying to be as honest as possible. It’s something he knows Robert too is working on, but it’s still hard. It still feels like weakness sometimes. How can it not, after Gordon?

They’re talking about the baby. Rebecca’s baby. _Robert’s._  

Aaron’s got past the stage of wanting to scream and yell and force Rebecca out of their lives forever. He’s beyond the rage, the absolute horror of Rebecca giving Robert the one thing he never can. He’s even stopped crying about it, stopped looking at himself in the mirror and wondering why he wasn’t enough. Robert tells him he is enough. He tells him it was a mistake. Aaron wants to believe him. He’s trying with all that he has. But Gordon’s voice remains, refusing to let this be a drunken one night stand. Gordon tells him it was inevitable because he, Aaron, is messed up. And nobody will ever stay.

Right now, Aaron is fairly calm. Robert’s been giving him the space he needs, but always lingering in the background, a frightened expression on his face. Robert’s scared he’s going to leave. He’s petrified. Aaron knows his husband well enough to be certain that he’s been living the past few weeks in a state of quiet terror. It’s obvious from the way Robert clings to him at night, like he hasn’t since the time after Gordon’s trial. 

“Are you sure you’re ready?” Robert asks him, looking concerned. “We don’t have to talk yet.” 

“No. We need to,” Aaron answers. “ _I_ have to. We can’t keep living like this.” 

Robert watches him with dismay. He thinks this is the end. That they’re breaking up for good. His face is very pale and his jaw is taut. 

“Okay,” is all Robert can say, in a quiet voice which is almost a whisper. 

“In my session today… we were talking about Liv.” 

Robert looks a little confused by that. 

“I was thinking back to when she was a baby. About how my life was back then. What she represented.” 

“Right.” 

Aaron can see that Robert doesn’t get it, but his husband is listening carefully, hanging on his every word. Robert is always like this when he tells him about his counselling sessions, respectful, keen to make him feel at ease. Aaron knows his husband wants him to open up more emotionally, to get to grips with the therapy so it doesn’t make him feel embarrassed like it used to. 

“When Liv came along… I hated it. That was before I even hated _him._ I didn’t want a sister. I wanted it to be just me and Gordon. I know that sounds crazy after what he did…” 

“No. No, it doesn’t,” Robert says quietly. “You were young. You didn't understand. He’d messed with your head. Of course you loved him. He was your dad.” 

Aaron gives a grateful nod. 

“I remember her crying all the time. She was a nightmare. I never really helped out with her. Sandra did all that. And then growing up… I loved her, yeah. But we weren’t close. I loved her cause I was supposed to. Because she was my sister. Mostly I kept out of her way. You know what I was like, the people I was hanging about with. I never had much time for her. And Sandra didn’t really like us spending that much time together, not as I got older. With good reason, probably.” 

Robert doesn’t say anything. He’s holding his mug of tea up to his mouth but not drinking it. He’s concentrating too hard on the story he’s being told. 

“Thing is… after I left. I was scared to see her again. She was part of him. Part of Gordon. And I was scared she’d be like him, that I’d look at her and she’d remind me of it all. Which is ridiculous, cause we’re both his kids. Or we were.” 

Aaron pushes his own mug of tea aside. It's sitting in front of him like a barrier between him and Robert, and he doesn't want that. 

“When I found her again… when you helped me find her. It was the best thing to ever happen. It was like… like having a second chance. And she’s nothing like him. Liv’s her own person. She’s not even like Sandra, not really.” 

“She’s like you,” Robert points out with a small nod. There’s pride in his voice as he says it. Aaron shrugs it off. Liv is a better person than he ever was or will be, but it means a lot that Robert thinks they’re similar. 

“Well, maybe. In some ways,” Aaron concedes. “But what I’m trying to say is that… that I judged her because of _him._ And it was stupid. I was scared of seeing her cause of what she represented, cause of what she reminded me of.” 

Robert is frowning with thought. Aaron knows he understands what he’s getting at now. 

“And it made me realise, this whole thing… it’s not the baby’s fault. Even if Rebecca is its mother, it doesn’t mean anything. It deserves a chance. It deserves a dad that’s actually gonna be there.” 

Robert puts down his untouched tea and shakes his head. 

“Aaron, I can’t be a dad. I don’t know how…” 

“Yes, you do,” Aaron contradicts him calmly. “Look at you and Liv. You’re brilliant with her. I don’t know how I’d have managed her without you.”

“Liv’s different.” 

“Is she, though? Because if Rebecca has the kid - _when_ she has the kid, it’s gonna need someone. That family’s a mess. Look at Lachlan. Look what he did to Alicia. It needs a chance to be normal. To be happy. Do you really want your kid brought up by them? By that twisted family? After what they’ve done to Andy?” 

The answer, judging by Robert’s facial expression, is clearly: no. The thought of his brother, chased from the country for a crime he didn’t commit, is enough to cause him pain. Fury, even. But Robert pushes it back. He puts a hand down on the kitchen table and frowns at Aaron. 

“What are you saying? That I should be part of its life?” 

Aaron shrugs his shoulders. It’s too nonchalant a gesture for what they’re discussing, but it helps somehow. It makes the weight of this decision, this revelation, feel lesser. 

“Maybe. Yeah.” 

Robert’s reaction is instant. He shakes his head firmly.

“I can’t lose you. If it’s a choice between you and the baby, I’d pick you _every_ time. I need yer. If that means us moving away, we can do that. We’ll go abroad. Sell up and find somewhere else. We don’t ever have to come back here.” 

“You can’t run away from something like this,” Aaron points out. It’s what his counsellor told him in his session earlier. It makes a lot of sense. 

“There are plenty who do,” Robert answers callously. 

Aaron frowns, and even Robert looks ashamed of himself for the comment. He hangs his head. Robert knows how much a father means to their children, how much Jack meant to him. He knows Aaron knows. 

“You made this mess, Robert,” Aaron says quietly, swallowing back his emotion. “You created a life. You and Rebecca both did. That’s a big deal. It’s huge.” 

“I never wanted it! You know that,” Robert bursts out, running a hand through his hair. 

“So why not use something?” Aaron can’t help but fire back, anger starting to rise again. 

“Because I was hammered! I don’t even remember it properly. Just some of what I said to her. It’s a blur, and then, like I said, I passed out. I never _planned_ on sleeping with her. You have to believe me. Don’t you think I’d have had something on me if I had?”

It’s a good point. Aaron knows, deep down, that Robert’s telling the truth. It’s just Gordon’s voice which wants him to believe differently. 

“I believe you,” Aaron says steadily, defying the voice of his father. “But it doesn’t change anything. She’s still pregnant. And when that baby comes, it’ll be yours. It’ll be family.” 

Robert looks disgusted by the idea. 

“No. It won’t.” 

“But it will, Robert!” 

“It’ll be _hers._ Not mine,” Robert says childishly. 

Aaron pinches at his nose and forces calm. He can feel his emotions rising, but he knows how to push them back. Not bottle them up, though. Not now. He can show them through his words. He doesn’t have to lose it.  

“She’s staying in the village,” Aaron continues. “She told me herself. She said I’d have to see it.” 

“She said that to you?” Robert fumes. 

He doesn’t know about the conversation Aaron had with Rebecca on the day he found out she was still pregnant. Only that he went to see her at Home Farm and came back distant and tearful. 

“She’s right,” Aaron admits. “Because we’re not going anywhere. We live here. This is our home.” 

Robert’s angry expression changes as he takes in Aaron’s choice of phrasing. It’s hopeful all over again. 

“We?” Robert repeats, uncertainly. 

Aaron takes a deep breath and steels himself to be the bravest he’s ever been in his life. 

“If you want to be a dad, then I’ll try my best to support ya.” 

The words hang in the air for a moment. Robert simply gawps at him, mouth opening and closing with shock, before a frown of disbelief takes over, eyebrows knitting together. 

“Aaron…” 

“I said… before. I said that every time I saw it, it’d remind me of what you did. But I think I was wrong. Because when I look at Liv, I don’t see Gordon. I see my little sister.” 

Tears are coming now, but that’s okay. Aaron isn’t ashamed of them. 

“You can’t be expected to do this,” Robert says, reaching for Aaron’s hands. Aaron can tell his husband wants to hold him, but he isn’t sure if he’ll be pushed away or not. "Look at yer. It's too much."

“Something my counsellor told me was that you have to face reality. And I always snap. I always do stuff on impulse. Stupid stuff. I say things I don’t mean, or I lash out. But sometimes you have to think things through. And I needed that time. Last night I was laying in bed just thinking about it. And it’s going to happen. Whether I want it to or not. Whether _you_ want it to or not.” 

“Aaron…” 

“It’s happening, Robert. There’s no stopping it. Rebecca’s right. It’s her body. We can’t stop her. So we have to face it. I _want_ to be with you. I meant what I said before. I love you. And I want to forgive you.” 

Robert’s still holding onto his hands for dear life. He looks stunned. 

“You said so long as I stayed away from her. So long as there’s no baby,” Robert reminds him quietly. 

“Yeah, I know. But last night I realised that this is bigger than that. This is a kid. Your kid. And that I can’t hate it before it’s even born.” 

“It’ll tie me to her forever,” Robert warns his husband, even though it hurts. Even though it might just make him leave forever. 

Aaron nods. He pulls his hands away from Robert’s, but it’s not because he doesn’t want them there. It’s because he needs to stay strong. He needs to be adult about this. This doesn’t have to be the end of everything they’ve been through and worked for. 

“You love Liv, don’t ya?” Aaron says, his voice thick with emotion. 

“Of course I do,” Robert agrees instantly, and it doesn’t even strike Aaron as strange that Robert should answer with such conviction. He knows his husband loves Liv, and Liv loves him right back. 

“You never asked for that. You had no idea we’d end up living with her. That she’d become a part of our family.”

“She’s your sister,” Robert says, like that explains it. 

“And this is your kid. So I’m going to try. If you want. If you want to be a part of its life. Because I think it’s gonna need a dad. It’s gonna need a dad who loves it, in the way a dad _should_ love his kid. Because without that… it messes you up. Look at Liv. She went properly off the rails, and that was just from not knowing Gordon. He didn’t even hurt her, not like he did me, thank god, but he still managed to somehow. He still got to her. He left a space in her life. That’s why she caused us all that trouble to start with. You know how she was. Believing whatever he said. Wanting to impress him, trying to get his approval or whatever. A kid needs that. A kid needs to feel wanted.” 

Robert’s thoughts turn once again to Jack. He knows this is true. Even with his father dead and buried, Robert’s life was one long, twisted quest for his approval for years afterwards. He’s only just got past that. At the age of thirty one. 

“You need time to think about this,” Robert says. 

“I already have.” 

“No, Aaron. I mean it. This is happening too fast. I can’t ask you to make that sort of decision. You’ve only just found out. When we got married… when I married yer, this wasn’t part of the deal.” 

“Neither was me going to prison and getting off my face,” Aaron points out. “Neither was me knocking Kasim's lights out.” 

Robert thinks about that. Aaron can see that for the first time, he’s actually allowing himself to imagine a future in which this baby means something to him. It’s only with Aaron’s consent that he’s allowing himself to so much as picture it. That means something to Aaron. 

“If I decide to be a proper dad to it, it won’t ever go away. It’ll be there for all of our lives,” Robert says quietly. “No going back.”

Aaron sniffs and nods. Being honest with Robert, and receiving honesty from Robert in return, is giving him courage he never knew he had. 

“Then I’d better stop taking this out on it. Cause me and that kid, we’re going to be family,” Aaron says with something which could pass for a smile. 

“Aaron,” Robert breathes out, unable to believe it. 

“I’ll be its stepdad. Right? You’re my husband. And I’m willing to be that. It’ll be hard, but I’ll do it. I’ll do it because I love you. And because every child deserves a dad. A _good_ dad. And it doesn’t have to be biological. Look at me and Paddy. Without him I wouldn’t even be here.” 

Robert runs his fingers through his hair again. There’s more colour in his face now, but he still looks terrible. Aaron knows he’s not been sleeping. 

“How can I be a dad?” Robert asks him. “You know who I am. You know what I’m like. I hurt everyone I care about. I even hurt you, and I love you more than anything.” 

“That’s what Rebecca said.” 

Robert frowns again. 

“She said you hurt the people you care about, and that I should leave you.” 

“L-leave me? She said that?” 

“Yeah. She did. But the thing is, I _know_ you. Bad stuff and good. I’ve seen you at your worst. And you’ve seen me like that too.” 

They don’t need to bring up what they’ve been through together. Some of it feels better forgotten. It belongs to a different time, when they were different people. 

“But I’ve seen you at your best too. How you helped me through the stuff with Gordon. How you are with Liv. Even what you tried to do for Andy. If there’s one thing you’re good at, it’s protecting your family.” 

Robert’s expression has turned blank, but Aaron knows what that means. It means he’s on the brink of tears. 

“You’d do anything for the people you care about. And maybe you don’t always go about that the right way, but I _know_ you’ve got my back.” 

At the sight of Robert’s watering eyes it’s Aaron that reaches across the table to him this time.

“Together, we could do this. We could protect that kid. That baby. Nobody would ever hurt it. They wouldn’t get a chance.” 

“I’m not ready,” Robert breathes out, his voice breaking on the words. 

“Well we’re gonna have to be, because it’s coming, Robert. She’s gonna have it. And when she does, do you really want _them_ bringing it up? Turning it against you? Do you want it to be a White? Or do you want it to be a Sugden?” 

The answer to that one is clear. Aaron sees it flash in Robert’s eyes. 

“Together? We’ll do it together?” Robert confirms, in a voice which is small, uncertain. 

“Yeah,” Aaron agrees, and Robert finally starts to cry. 

**Author's Note:**

> Please leave me a comment if you enjoyed this! Comments mean the world!
> 
> On twitter I am @ClaudiaBoleyn and my Tumblr is claudiaboleyn.tumblr.com


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